The Wileys… Sharing their hearts paved the way to happiness

 

I am happy, no, thrilled, to share my experience with foster care and adoption.  Simply put, it has been exceedingly above and beyond what I could ask or think.

At first, I was ambivalent about either commitment. However, my husband gently, but purposefully, pursued certification.  So, I joined him attending MAPP classes and other functions, where we met wonderful case workers, home finders and other current and hopeful parents.  In retrospect, the process worked very well to gradually prepare and encourage us. 

After a while a few calls for placements came in, but for various reasons could not be accommodated.  Then we received THE call.  A newborn baby girl was available and we would meet the case worker at the hospital the very next day.  That night we raced through Wal-Mart grabbing baby essentials and an outfit in which to bring her home.  Of course, we were nervous and excited.  

The following day, we were shown by the hospital nurse how to swaddle, feed and care for our baby, and the case worker took pictures. She seemed to genuinely share our joy.  Her demeanor never conveyed the feeling of being rushed or that she was just doing a job.  It was truly a bonding experience, much, much more than I expected. 

After a long process of mandatory steps, our little baby moved from being a foster child to an adopted daughter.  Along the way, we had consistent support from various County case workers (and a veteran foster/adoptive mom we met at a picnic). As expected, there were hurdles to overcome and milestones to meet, but we always knew that we could count on the assistance of our case workers.

Also during this time, we received another call for an emergency foster placement. This time for a nine-month-old boy, who was a month younger than our daughter. It was late on a Saturday night/Sunday morning, and we said “yes.”  From that point, our home life was essentially that of having twins, but concurrently, we were also dealing with the foster and adoption processes.

The situation lasted almost a year. Then, it was exactly one week between the time when our daughter was finally legally adopted and the little boy was successfully returned to his mother. It was a comfort that the adoption was first. Our daughter does miss our foster child, but we’re happy she had a “twin brother” for one of her first two years. We know the boy thrived. It was all very poignant, but ultimately very positive.

We have given ourselves a couple months to enjoy our new “official family” by doing the requisite summer vacation stuff.  Now we look forward to welcoming other children into our home.  My husband periodically catches my eye and points out that our lives are permanently and beautifully different - and happier. 

- The Wileys

 

 

The Forever and Always Family

Twenty-two years ago, my husband Tim and I became foster and adoptive parents. We adopted two beautiful children and went on to have two more children of our own. Thinking that four children were enough for anyone sane, we decided that maybe it was time for us to stop fostering. But our story doesn’t end here. We can’t be sane we thought, but something was calling us back. This story is different than any other…

It is about a group of five children that was placed with us about seven years ago: one girl and four boys ages 9, 7, 5, 3 and 11 months. Seeing that we already had four children, adoption was not something we were thinking about. We really never considered it. We loved and cared for them like we would have any child, but we really had no intention of adopting them.

We even went as far as seeking other homes for the children. Not because we didn’t love them, but because we did love them. We really felt that the children should be with a family that maybe didn’t have any children of their own, a family that could maybe give them more than we could. It took the courts 5 years to finalize the termination and place the children up for adoption. Five years… that is a long time to spend with children and NOT get attached.

When we got word that the children were legally up for adoption, my husband and I looked at each other and both asked the same question: “How could we say goodbye to these five, that were truly part of our family? Could we?”

We sat down with our other four children and they too said the same thing. They were already a part of our family. Adopting them would only change one thing for us: we would have a piece of paper to say that they were family, but the children would have so much more. They wouldn’t have to go to school or to the doctors and list a different name, or explain their situation to anyone. They wouldn’t have to be labeled as a foster child, or feel as though someday they would have to move. No packing up and saying goodbye to yet another family dealing with another loss in their lives.

I guess there really was only one answer. Of course we were going to adopt! There wasn’t a question in our minds. We were a family, and family sticks together no matter what. That’s us, a forever and always family.